The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just want nice things and good sex
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
