you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
