dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
