ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
