I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize