I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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