I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize