she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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