My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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