the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
