It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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