I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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