Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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