So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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