Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm bleeding and have questions
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
