Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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