Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
