____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
