And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
