YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
