So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
