i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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