Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sorry about my life...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
