He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
