it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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