Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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