On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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