One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
