i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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