This is not my ceiling
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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