So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
