if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
