I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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