I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
did i just pee glitter
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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