I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
