It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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