I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
