I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
ttyl tear gas
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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