I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize