Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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