tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
