just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
