the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
