My cat gives me a boner
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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