When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
