Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
