Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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