Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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