I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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