Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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