I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
