Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
