Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
