new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
