he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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