Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish i was in the wii world.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
