i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
