before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
